Anatomy of Peace

Wow, Its been a while hey :) Could it be the pregnancy making me lazy to write haha? I've been doing lots of reading lately, more than usual. I just have this hunger for knowledge about pregnancy, birth, being a parent and how I can improve as a person spiritually, mentally and how I can better interact and treat other people.


One of the books I've recently finished is called Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute. A few years ago I read Leadership and Self Deception also by the Arbinger Institue,so when I saw this book I knew it will be an excellent read.


I would never do justice to the book by sharing some points that i feel are key but I love sharing information so here goes.


In the book it says that the change pyramid suggest that we should spend much more time and effort helping things go right than dealing with things that go wrong. Most problems in life are not solved merely by correction.


We are sometimes inviting the very things we're fighting against.


So there are two ways of being:
(1) Heart at War
We see people as objects.
(2)Heart at Peace
We see others as people


No one can force a warring heart upon us. When our hearts go to war,we ourselves have chosen it. No one whatever their actions,can deprive me of the ability to choose my own way of being.


It got me to ask myself this question: Am I as vigilant in demanding the eradication of my own bigotry as I am in demanding the eradication of others? I can say from experience there are few things so painful as contempt from others.


When our hearts are at war,we tend to exaggerate others' faults,this is referred to as horribilizing.


As we practise self betrayl(doing something we know is wrong)we develop characteristic styles of self-justification. 4 comman styles are:


1. Better-Than style
To see others prejudicially, as less than you are,less skilled,or less important,less knowledgeable,less righteous and so on but always less and therefore you not seeing them as people,you seeing them as objects.


2. I -Deserve Style
When u typically feel mistreated,victimized,entitled,deprived,resentful etc.


3. Must-Be-Seen-As Style
The worry of being seen as likeable.Such a style will keep you from being able to do the helpful and right thing when the helpful or right thing might be something the other person won't like.


4. Worst-Than Style
When u view yourself as not good,fated and u feel helpless,bitter,jealous or depressed and u look at others as advantaged,privelaged and u think the world is hard,against u,ignoring u...


An example of using these styles
When a husband have the impression to help his spouse in the kitchen but then stay planted on the couch instead, he begin to see her and himself in ways that justify his failure to help eg. Seeing her as too demanding and himself as deserving a break.
Improvement doesn't depend on others.


Lasting solutions to our outward conflicts are possible only to the extent that we find real solutions to our inner ones.However bleak things look on the outside,the peace that starts it all,the peace within,is merely a choice away.If we can find our way to peace toward children who have stolen from us,spouses who have mistreated us,and even drunks who have taken our fathers from us,what mountains are too high for human hearts to scale?